


How to Cock up like a Champion

by arthur_pendragon



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, BAMF Morgana, Company Setting, Crack, Epistolary, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Good Uther Pendragon, Humour, Intern Arthur, Intern Merlin, Light Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Post-Break Up, Wooing, cast of thousands, email conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-05-29 20:08:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 19,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15080759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arthur_pendragon/pseuds/arthur_pendragon
Summary: In which Arthur and Merlin, uni students (and former friends with benefits) who had a spectacular misunderstanding a year ago, are both taken on as interns for Arthur's father's company. Arthur wants to win Merlin back; Merlin couldn't be less interested, or so it seems. Morgana and the rest are merely popcorn-bearing passengers on this ride.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've started this story solely to cheer myself up, hahah, but I hope you enjoy the read too. Apologies if the barrage of email addresses is confusing; hopefully they're easier to parse after the first few lines.
> 
> I can't promise regular updates, so please don't be disappointed. The rating may go up in future chapters!

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Your intern needs

Help.

\- Arthur

PS i hate this rubbish email you made for me

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Bcc:** gwen.evere@pndrgngrls.co.uk, lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk, g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk, heartwillgo.leon@pndrgngrls.co.uk, elena@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Much surprise, very shock… wow

Do tell me all about the nth fuck-up you made, little cousin. Spare no detail.

(Need me to pick you up from campus tomorrow?)

\- Morgie

PS It makes everyone smile when they’re emailing a certain snooty uni kid. Take one for the team; the one on your business card’s going to be more professional. _If_ Uther lets you get hired permanently, of course. We don’t condone nepotism in this company.

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

  

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** pndrgngrls sounds like ‘pendragon girls’

Dearest “Morgie”,

Outdated meme is outdated, and I’m fine, thanks. And well. D’you know the bloke in your Magical Liaisons dept? The other intern you hired, with the hair and those Dumbo ears? (Yes.)

\- A

PS I’ll fight my way in fairly. Look forward to losing your VP position to me, harpy.

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Bcc:** gwen.evere@pndrgngrls.co.uk, lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk, g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk, heartwillgo.leon@pndrgngrls.co.uk, elena@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Who run the world? PndrgnGrls

Merlin?

\- M

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** how do you know him. why are you on first-name terms

Yes. I had a friends-with-benefits thing with him last year, which ended badly. Egregiously. Broken crockery and a midnight shouting match loud enough to wake neighbours three flats down.

\- A

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** he’s Gwaine’s little brother!

You are _appalling_. Do I need to know the circumstances of that break-up?

And what do you want help with?

\- M

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** gwen.evere@pndrgngrls.co.uk, lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk, g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk, heartwillgo.leon@pndrgngrls.co.uk, elena@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Things

have taken a strange turn with our snotty baby Wart, I’ll fill all of you in later.

\- Morgana

* * *

 

> **To:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Merlin and Arthur’s “tryst”

Gwaine, had you known about this?

\- Morgana

* * *

  

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** sort of.

I hadn’t known it was with _Wart_.

In the interest of full transparency, Merls… may or may not have been arse over teakettle in love with your boy there. He may or may not also have made certain assumptions about the feelings involved in said tryst.

He was a mess for months, but I think he’s fine now. Should be ok if they work together, though I disclaim all responsibility if he ends up stabbing Wart with the pointy end of a pair of scissors.

\- Gwaine 

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** “we don’t condone nepotism in this company”

Help me woo him again.

\- A

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** you bastard

Bloody hell, Wart wants Merlin back apparently. How protective of an older brother are you?

\- Morgana

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** born and raised

Merlin is an independent boy, a free spirit, an old soul in a young flesh suit… who runs away whenever I talk to him about safe sex. Make of that what you will.

\- Gwaine

PS Buying a year’s supply of popcorn now. 

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** he got in on his own merit, like you

Not happening, you tactless boy. I wash my hands of whatever nefarious plan you’ve cooked up to win back the man whose heart you shattered.

\- Morgana

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Not surprised, he’s an absolute genius. Smartest person I know

Look, I need to talk to you about this in person, and I’m tired of hunching over my work computer lest Merlin see what I’m doing. Would you mind telling your PA to let me into your office in about ten minutes? And why do you have an office on the bloody 20th floor while I get a small desk on the 2nd?

\- Arthur

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** gwen.evere@pndrgngrls.co.uk, lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk, g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk, heartwillgo.leon@pndrgngrls.co.uk, elena@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** WART IS IN LOVE

I REPEAT. OUR BABY WART IS IN LOVE. THIS IS NOT A DRILL

\- A Very Proud Cousin


	2. Chapter 2

> **To:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** hysterical

Love the assigned email. So much. :):):)

\- Merlin

PS Why didn’t you tell me I’d be working right next to Arthur Pendragon for a year? I thought his dad wanted the prat to make his own way in the world. “We don’t condone nepotism in this company” — wasn’t that the codswallop you fed me during orientation?

* * *

  

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** who even says codswallop in this day and age

You’re welcome.

\- Wainy

PS he got in with a stellar CV and a sparkling application, Merls, just like you. Chin up.

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Regarding the report on infant magic overuse

Dear Merlin,

Arthur here. Pendragon. Perhaps you remember me. We used to attend a lot of classes together about two semesters ago. And, well, other things.

Please ignore the tongue-in-cheek email address from which I’ve sent you this; my cousin sister and her friends in the HR department have the worst sense of humour (as evidenced by the fact that they have you using a _Bruno Mars_ song title) and take it out on the poor interns. I hear Sophia in Legal has an unpronounceable mythological ID. _Shee_ , or something.

Anyway, this email was to ask you for the report that Gaius asked us to prepare together. I expect you’re done with your half already, since it rarely ever takes you time to write essays, and I’d like for us to get a leg up on the bastards in Community Outreach and Awareness.

Would you mind terribly sending me a .docx copy of the report, as well as curing yourself of the mysterious deafness that overtakes you whenever I say your name?

Best,

Arthur Pendragon

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Regarding the report on infant magic overuse

Pendragon,

Please find the report attached as a Word document with this email.

Regards,

Greene-Wyllt

_[show quoted text]_

[Attachment: cutie babbies doing cutie magic.docx]

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Re: Regarding the report on infant magic overuse

Pendragon,

Apologies for the titling of the report in the previous email attachment. Please find the revised version with this email.

\- Greene-Wyllt

_[show quoted text]_

[Attachment: Like Taking Candy from a Baby - the Pressing Issue of.docx]

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** “cutie babbies doing cutie magic”

Dear Merlin,

Glad to know you’ve not changed a bit. How are you doing? It’s been quite some time since we last saw each other, and I, erm, (who even writes “erm” in an email, right!?) know we didn’t part on good terms, exactly.

I’d love to catch up if you have some time this weekend, or perhaps Friday night - dinner or a coffee? There are many apologies I need to make to you, and I’d rather make them in person than in a conversation via company email addresses.

I’d also appreciate it if you stopped zooming out of the break room whenever you see me entering it.

\- Arthur

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** sue me

Arthur,

I had no intention of addressing the elephant in the room (don’t you dare make an ear quip), but you’re like a dog with a bone. I’m deleting the three other emails you’ve sent me, since I very much doubt they’re work-related. Just leave things be, would you? Put up with this for a year and then I’ll be out of your hair again, just like last time.

No apologies are necessary, and thank you for the invite but I’m busy this weekend and also every future weekend. Now shall we resume our extremely professional working relationship instead of talking about the long-dead past?

\- Merlin

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: sue me

Merlin,

There’s a reason it’s called _elephant_ in the room. I was an utter arse. And I hurt you. And I’m sorry and I’d like to talk things through if you’ll give me the chance. Just…. please let me know if you ever feel like hanging out after work — if you’d like to go to the pub with the other interns or our college mates (Mordred misses you like hell).

Of course we can be purely professional, though. I understand that you’d want to avoid me. No worries. I’ll leave you alone, I hate pushy creeps myself.

\- Arthur :)

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

  

> **To:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Did you fucking tell him

Gwaine,

For your sake I hope you didn’t tell Arthur that I’m still in love with him. It’s not something I’m particularly _proud_ of, you bastard. I swear to you, _Wainy_ , I will colour your hair cyan if you don’t respond in the next five minutes. You know my magic’s powerful enough for something piddly like that. You know it. Did you fucking tell him? He’s being NICE to me. He SMILES AT ME.

\- Merls

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Bcc:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** YOU

ELENA CAN’T STOP LAUGHING AT ME NOW. CHANGE IT BACK. I WAS IN THE LOO WITHOUT MY PHONE, YOU INSOLENT LITTLE PRICK. I’M TELLING MUM

Also, you’re still in love with Arthur? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** In love with whom?

Sorry, I have no idea what you’re talking about.

And the cyan’s staying. Deal with it.

\- Merls

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Cheeky

Merls,

Serious for a second. You want to talk about it right now? Anything this old, aged brother with the destroyed hair can do? Want me to come down to the 2nd floor and intimidate Wart, threaten to break his fingers if he breaks your heart again?

We’re talking about this before you return to your flat, though. Are you going to do anything about him?

\- Gwaine

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** elena@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Toerag :)

Looking a bit… blue there, mate. I keep hearing you _cyan_ in sadness.

\- Ellie (give all my love to Merls! He’s brill.)

* * *

 

> **To:** elena@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Bint :)

Marry me. Someone needs to save you from your sense of humour and I volunteer for the sacrifice.

\- Gwaine (will do.)

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** gwen.evere@pndrgngrls.co.uk, lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk, ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk heartwillgo.leon@pndrgngrls.co.uk, elena@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** MERLS IS ALSO IN LOVE

They grow up so fast. I might have a cry.

\- G


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, this story. well, I really am writing it just to cheer myself up, so there isn't any particular standard I'm holding myself to, nor am I (consciously) putting any pressure on myself over it. this means that this story will probably be far more flawed and of poorer quality than the rest of my stories, more dramatic and stupid and illogical, but I'm simply trying to have a good time. So, though I hope that the story doesn't disappoint you, I'd much rather you didn't make the effort to tell me if it does.
> 
> thank you for reading, enjoy this update!

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** gwen.evere@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Wart

Morgana,

Is Wart okay? He was fuming in the lift. Didn’t even blush around me the way he does usually.

\- Gwen

* * *

 

> **To:** gwen.evere@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Wart

Gwen,

He got into some sort of fight on campus this morning. Has a big bruise on his ribs that I helped him clean up in the bog. Brat won’t talk to me about it. I’m thinking about cornering him after hours and torturing him into spilling the beans. Uther’s going to be furious if he finds out, so let’s not let the goss reach him.

Fuck it, changed my mind. Where’s that baby magic report Gaius got him and Merlin to do? I’ve just found a couple of glaring errors in it…

\- Morgana

* * *

 

> **To:** lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk, heartwillgo.leon@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Merls

You’re on. Both of you. 50 quid he caves before the end of the month and stops stringing Wart along.

\- G

* * *

 

> **To:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk, heartwillgo.leon@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** your little brother

he is! Have no morals, do you? You up on it, though, I will take. 100 if Wart’s the one to say it outright. Gwen called us “a bunch of arseholes for being over-involved in the love lives of two uni students”, by the way, so I imagine she isn’t entering this little betting game of ours. I mean, it hasn’t been that long since we graduated with our Master’s. Has it?

\- Lance

(shut up about the Star Wars reference. Just shut up.)

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk, lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** heartwillgo.leon@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Re: Lance’s hopeless failure to pretend he’s watched even a minute of SW

I see your watery 50, Gwaine, and bet you 500 you’re wrong.

(This is what happens, Lance, when you have an office romance and gladly show each other your computer screens. This is why I haven’t yet approached Morgana.)

\- Leon

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Regarding VP Gorlois’s Sudden Appearance

Arthur,

I found it very strange that VP Gorlois would bring up the report now of all times.

Wasn’t it up to scratch? And why did she drag only you away to berate for it? I didn’t think the difference in our writing styles was marked enough for her to be able to recognise who did which parts.

Hoping everything’s okay.

\- Wyllt

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Regarding VP Gorlois’s Sudden Appearance

Wyllt,

As someone who’s been ignoring all correspondence from me until absolutely necessary for three fucking weeks, _fuck off_. If your name’s not involved then I _suppose_ you’re not, either. Thanks for the concern.

\- A

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Sorry

About the email I sent a few hours ago. I’ve cooled down now.

This isn’t an excuse, but I got into a fight on the football field on campus this morning and Morgana just wanted to interrogate me about it. Concerned older sibling who wants to keep Dad and his lawyers from finding out, and all. Very professional of her to be shirking her job for some lowly intern who got in with the power of favouritism.

\- A

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Sorry

Look, Arthur,

I get it. No need to apologise (for this, at least). Was it Valiant again? Did he start making cracks at you about me _again_?

\- M

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Re: Sorry

He never really stopped. But that’s no concern for you.

\- A

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** hrm@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Magical Liaisons Transfer

Hello, Mr Greene-Wyllt,

I’m Lancelot du Lac, from the Pendragon & Gorlois HR department. This is regarding your transfer application, submitted three weeks previously.

I see that you’re dissatisfied with your current internship posting, and wish to join our Research and Development department. I am glad to help you achieve the aims with which you entered this company, but given your magical talents I must say that I’m inclined to persuade you to remain in Magical Liaisons.

This branch of Pendragon & Gorlois is particularly useful for those magic-users who wish to build a network of fellow magic-users as well as educate the general public regarding the common, harmful misconceptions about the magical community that have inhibited its overall advancement. The latter was one of the key interests you mentioned in your application, if I remember correctly.

Please take some time to consider your transfer request, and respond by end of work on Friday. Feel free to drop by the HR offices on the 13th floor (ask for Guinevere) if you would like to discuss this matter in detail.

Warm regards,

Lancelot du Lac

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Transfer (informal)

Merlin,

I know Wart’s actually in Accounting and Finance, but if his proximity to you in the intern office is the issue then I’ll be happy to move him (or you, if you prefer) to another room or floor without any department transfers. He always grouses to Morgana about the awful 2nd floor view, anyway, so I doubt he’d think you were the reason — and even if he did, he _really_ isn’t the sort to hold it against you.

But I think you know that.

Let me know.

\- Lance

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk, gaiuspasquier@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** utherpendragon@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Arthur’s first month

Morgana, Gaius -

I trust he’s doing excellently, given that he’s been placed in a department suiting his university degree. What’s this I hear about him brawling with someone in the intern office?

 

Uther Pendragon, Chairman

Pendragon & Gorlois

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** DAD

YOU FUCKING TOLD HIM ABOUT VALIANT? AND CAN YOU CHANGE MY EMAIL, I CAN’T REPLY TO HIS EMAIL AS “POSH GIT” GIVEN THAT HE’S THE FATHER OF SAID POSH GIT.

\- WART

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** as regards your entirely unwarranted breakdown

Calm down, Wart. Gaius and I diverted him with praise for the half-decent job you’re doing fetching coffee for three entire floors of employees. Also, this might have missed your notice but he emailed you first. He knows about the posh git address. Calm down.

Now, if my baby cuz His Royal Highness Prince Wart Dragon would do the rest of us a favour by realising he’s not at the centre of the universe, I have actual work to do and calls to make, and will see him _without fail_ in my company car after work’s over. I think I need to know about whatever happened between you and Merlin that’s _still_ fucking you up a year later. And I think _you_ need to get it off your chest. Tell you what, I have a decanter of Macallan No. 6 back at my house that needs emptying, though it’s wasted on a uni brat like you.

(fwiw Valiant’s an arse.)

\- Morgie


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really hope you enjoy this update <3

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Communication Lessons

For you, since I now know you’re clearly pants at it.

\- M

[attachment: PendragonGorlois Employee Seminar in Human Relations Skills.pdf]

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Oh fuck off

Look. I know I wasn’t the most articulate person yesterday, so to clarify: Merlin’s magic was _not_ the reason we ended things. He did hide that from me (and for good reason, because we both know what Dad used to think of magic-users) but the main reason for our separation, parting, whatever you want to call it — except break-up — was a fundamental misunderstanding between us as to the nature of our relationship.

We were best mates ever since we entered uni. He thought the sex was love-making. I thought it was mates shagging every now and then.

\- A

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** MORON

YOU LET HIM THINK THAT FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR!? So, wait, let me get this straight — that No. 6 was fucking strong — not only did you essentially deceive your “best mate” for a year, you got _furious_ at him when he trusted you with his magic _and_ disillusioned him about your non-existent romantic feelings for him at the same sodding time?

If I didn’t care about you as much as I do, Arthur, I would slap you.

\- Morgana

PS You deserve the way Merlin reacted. You deserve every single broken plate, every irate neighbour, every second of the heartbreak you’ve experienced since then.

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** I know.

I know.

And this — this isn’t an excuse, but Dad messed me up all his life, all right? You say you knew what Mum used to be like, all angelic and sweet, and you always tell me Dad’d be different if Mum were still here but she fucking _isn’t_ and so it doesn’t fucking matter what Dad _would_ be like, it only matters what he _is_. And he is a sad, desperately lonely man who thought he was protecting me from the big, bad world of magic until you stepped in and set him right.

Again, not an excuse, but for the best part of my life I’ve thought the way he used to. And worse, I used to think the way arseholes like Valiant do. It’s why I hid the thing I had with Merlin and gulled myself as to what it really was — and Merlin is and will always be my best mate even if we never talk again, so fuck you — and I’m not proud of it, and it’s why I’m trying to make amends.

It’s why I broke Valiant’s nose yesterday, when he said those awful things. Because Merlin shouldn’t EVER have been just a casual fuck or my shameful secret.

Because I fucking love him, even if I realised it after he walked out of my life.

How’s that for effective communication? (Also, whisky is my weakness, don’t let me drink it! ever! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I DRINK WHISKY)

\- Wart

_[show quoted text]_

[attachment: attend this yourfuckingself PendragonGorlois Employee Sem.pdf]

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** [no subject]

Arthur,

You’ve got that angry-sad-sick look on your face. Are you crying? At work? How unprofessional. Your father would fire you were you employed full-time here and/or he performed the miracle of venturing into a roomful of interns.

\- Wyllt

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: [no subject]

Wyllt,

Cheers for the tea and tissues _and_ the passive-aggressive Hello Kitty note, but I wasn’t crying. It’s just a whisky hangover.

Anyway — aren’t you transferring to R&D? I overheard Sophia and William talking about it yesterday and so I didn’t expect to see anything but an empty desk beside me this morning.

\- Arthur

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Re: [no subject]

Arthur,

I don’t envy the poor sod on the other end of whatever rant you were just typing out. You + whisky = next-day savagery + migraine for the target, that’s certain.

I withdrew my transfer application, actually. MagLia is the department for me.

\- Merlin (yes, I sign off in more than three different styles.)

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Bcc:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** you darling boy

Wart,

I’m guessing this verbal onslaught was the result of my provoking whisky-hungover you?

It seems I need to apologise.

I’m not going to, but it seems I need to.

Want any help with your woo-Merlin-back plan? I shouldn’t get involved — I have a life, but apparently my baby cousin doesn’t and I can be supportive when it’s called for.

\- Morgie

PS I’m coming over to your flat and we’re watching the Sword in the Stone tonight. No questions.

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Fwd: you darling boy

Merls,

You will _not_ tell Arthur I showed you this. You will delete the email as soon as you read the conversation. And you will tell me whether or not you want to get back with Arthur because I am a blatantly nosy bastard and unlike our dear VP I’m not ashamed to admit it.

(And why don’t _you_ ever get this interesting when you’re hungover, eh?)

\- G

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Disney?

Morgs,

Stay out of this. I’m not even sure if my “plan” is going to work. He’s barely started talking to me again, and it’s only ’cause he found out about Val. Don’t think he would’ve even looked my way otherwise. I might genuinely give up right now, tbh (do _not_ send me that Journey cover/remix nonsense Leon and Gwen and… who else? recorded in that daft karaoke sesh. Don’t you dare.)

\- Wart

PS If you really had a life you wouldn’t be spending an evening watching an animated movie with someone who’s in his final year of uni.

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Fwd: you darling boy

Gwaine,

I kind of want to knee you in the bollocks for sending me this.

I don’t know if I want anything to do with him beyond collaborating with him and the company FinAcc dept. Don’t ask again, please?

\- M

PS You’re interesting enough for the both of us, thanks.

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Cc:** elena@pndrgngrls.co.uk, heartwillgo.leon@pndrgngrls.co.uk, lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk, g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk, vivi.notwestwood@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** gwen.evere@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Don’t Stop Believin’

Hello, lovely Wart,

Morgana said you specifically requested to hear the company’s pep-up anthem? :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Since we all love you very much, here it is in its entirety — MP3 file attached~

\- Gwen

[attachment: Don’t Stop Believin’ (in Our High Performance Levels).mp3]

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk,
> 
> **Cc:** gwen.evere@pndrgngrls.co.uk, elena@pndrgngrls.co.uk, heartwillgo.leon@pndrgngrls.co.uk, lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk, g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk, vivi.notwestwood@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** this company is a joke

Refer to the subject of this email.

Far be it from me, a run-of-the-mill intern definitely not riding on Daddy’s coattails, to question the workings of Pendragon & Gorlois — but are you lot for fucking real? Does this company even make money? or do we have the mafia working for us? Would I have done better at Essetir?

With looooots of love and hugs :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Wart

* * *

 

> **To:** gwen.evere@pndrgngrls.co.uk,
> 
> **Cc:** elena@pndrgngrls.co.uk, heartwillgo.leon@pndrgngrls.co.uk, lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk, g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk, ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** vivi.notwestwood@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Don’t Stop Believin’

and Keeping Vivian Out of the Loop Until the Very End

\- Viv x


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i... yeah

> **To:** merlin.greenewyllt@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **From:** freya.sinclair@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **Subject:** genetics hw

MERLIN!

D’you want to maybe get together over a pint tonight and talk about the insanely tough assignment the Genetics nightmare set us? Yes it’s a transparent ploy to see your face. I miss you.

\- Frey <3

* * *

 

> **To:** freya.sinclair@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **From:** merlin.greenewyllt@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **Subject:** transparent ploy to see “your” face

Gwaine’s not going to be at my flat tonight. Also I told you he’s bonkers for someone who works in his company, you’re better off tossing all fantasies of him to the kerb.

\- Merlin

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** merlin.greenewyllt@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **From:** freya.sinclair@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Dickhead

He’s not why. Also, boooooo.

Okay, look. I know you don’t want to talk about _him_ but we’re going to here and now, even though (and because) you run away from me every time my mouth shapes the first syllable of Pendragon’s name.

Our entire year knows about Valiant getting kicked off the footie team, Merlin. And they know _why_ he got kicked, and everyone who’s even the slightest bit into all this drama knows all about Morgana Gorlois (THE Morgana Gorlois, Merlin, the woman who basically runs the company you’re an intern at, who is a regular fixture in my favourite magaZINE!!!) telling Pendragon off in the student parking for “acting like a child, Wart, fists aren’t comparable to brains, stop using them”. (Is it really a reference to that Disney movie. How amazing is she. I love her so much)

No one knows WHOM Valiant insulted Pendragon about in the first place but I imagine it was over you. I’m right, aren’t I? The only reason Pendragon would risk his precious make-Daddy-proud scholarship is you.

You can’t keep pushing all of those sad memories and feelings down. I love you, Merlin, and I know you still angst over Pendragon and think he hung the moon and the stars and it’s no good pretending you were never joined at the hip for years and years.

Also I lied I _really_ need help with the Genetics hw. Please let me come over with/without beer, I need to pick your genius brain.

\- Frey <3

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** freya.sinclair@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **From:** merlin.greenewyllt@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **Subject:** insert appropriately offensive response to “Dickhead”

Freya.

Morgana’s taken, too. Sorry. (Leon Wyndham, but you didn’t hear this from me.) Pendragon & Gorlois is rather… incestuous that way. Office romances galore. Wish you hadn’t turned it down, working here would be so much more fun with you instead of Arthur (oooh look I said his name and didn’t faint, are you proud of me?) who keeps treating me like a fragile doll holding itself together with Sellotape and prayers. And William’s not even on my floor, he gets to sit with his supervisor, lucky bastard.

(you want to know what email add. he got assigned by the company? william.wordsworthless lmaooooo)

God, look, Frey, my mind’s a mess right now because I have to compile specific magical data from about 150 of PG’s clients and parse it and turn it into a palatable report morsel for the higher-ups BY NEXT TUESDAY on top of all our uni coursework andalsoifoundoutArthur’sbeeninlovewithmeallthistime so… please? I’d love it if you came over but I doubt I’d be of any help to you. So here, have this.

\- Merlin

_[show quoted text]_

[attachment: Genetics and Magic 415 HW Merlin Greene-Wyllt 143202.docx]

* * *

 

> **To:** merlin.greenewyllt@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **From:** freya.sinclair@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **Subject:** DKJLFHASKJG

YOU HAVE BEEN WITHHOLDING INFORMATION FROM YOUR SISTER FROM ANOTHER MISTER, i cringed typing that dw, MISTER.

Also Will totally deserves that address. What a loser. Did he rage against the Man when he found out

lbr you _are_ a fragile doll, Merls. And we’re not even talking about those girly eyelashes. I was there when you were pretending not to bawl your heart out for ages over Pendragon. Who _loves_ you, apparently. Which we need to talk about, we do. With or without your handsome, unavailable brother who, get this, would look good with neon pink hair if you get tired of cyan-ing it whenever he’s an arse to you.

\- Freys

PS YOU ABSOLUTE SAVIOUR ILYSM x C U 2NITE BBY why yes i did want to rile you with my txtspk

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Progress Report

Arthur,

I was wondering how you were doing with your half of the analysis.

\- Merlin

PS Were you listening to a Journey cover the other day? You looked like you were sucking on a lemon.

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** “cover” is giving it too much credit

Merlin,

I’ve only just started with the statistical analysis of the third data set, would you mind giving me a day or two more to finish it?

\- Arthur

PS I was. Be glad I haven’t inflicted it on you yet.

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: “cover” is giving it too much credit

Arthur,

No problem, take your time.

And I wanted to ask — has Valiant been giving you any more trouble?

\- Merlin

PS I wouldn’t mind, I like listening to music while I work and I reckon since you did it without getting into trouble (cough nepotism cough), I can, too.

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** then SUFFER

Merlin,

Don’t take this the wrong way — Valiant is no concern of yours.

\- Arthur

_[show quoted text]_

[attachment: Don’t Stop Believin’ (in Our High Performance Levels).mp3]

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** my ears are bleeding

Wart what the HELL IS THIS. STOP LAUGHING. HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING. ANSWER MEE

I CAN SEE YOU LAUGHING OVER BY THE WATER COOLER. HOW DO I TURN THIS OFF IT JUST STARTED REPLAYING. I HATE THESE FUCKING COMPUTERS. I’M NEVER GOING TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN.

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Cc:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Commotion in the Intern Office

Wart,

I think Gaius has given up on any productive work being done by you today. Feel free to go home. Merlin, you too.

\- Lance

PS You hereby have my permission to play the company pep-up anthem in the intern office whenever you want to skive. God, imagine Uther instead of me walking in to see ten uni-brat interns on the floor cackling at Merlin’s expression…

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Since we get to leave early,

want to grab a coffee together? :)

\- Wart

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Since we get to leave early,

I’m guessing not, judging by the way you all but ran away when I came up to you.

Sorry. I think I misunderstood things.

\- Arthur

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** freya.sinclair@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **Cc:** william.chauncey@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **From:** merlin.greenewyllt@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Deep Trouble

I accidentally called Arthur “Wart” like I used to and for a second I forgot we had this painful history. It was like we were what we were back then, laughing and snogging and shagging and laughing some more. He’s being so nice, so bloody _understanding_. I love him.

Then I remembered he fucking loves me, too.

Time for ice-cream. I’m buying by the tub, see you two at mine later tonight? Let’s slag the Genetics nightmare off (Frey’s words).

\- Merlin

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Merlin

Gana,

I think Merlin genuinely hates me. I think two months is enough time to accept that he’s washed his hands of me.

Could you come by with ice-cream, please? Häagen-Dazs.

\- Wart


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you're liking the story so far! there are a couple of actual clickable links in this one :)

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** vivi.notwestwood@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** …randy interns

Hey, Morgana.

This isn’t about the Tuesday report, though I _have_ told William to get a move on.

My other intern, Sophia, will not shut the _fuck_ up about Arthur Pendragon, “the prince of my heart, who wears posh business suits to class and drives an Audi”, and I need you to get them in touch or I will _lose my fucking mind_.

\- Vivian

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** william.wordsworthless@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Royal Arse

Merlin,

Can you do something about Arthur? Sophia’s already the most bum workmate in this bloody company and now your arsehole of an ex has reduced her to a gigglier mess than usual. Email his phone or something. Drag him back to his desk.

\- Will

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** sophiaos.sidhe@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Coffee date

Arthur!

You’re standing and laughing at me right in front of me lol but this is just to confirm — I’ll be seeing you after class tomorrow. <3

\- Soph xx

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Bcc:** william.wordsworthless@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Urgent

Arthur,

Your computer’s on fire. And your Filofax. And your chair. And the cup of tea on your desk. And your desk. All of it. Come back quick.

\- Merlin

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Cc:** gwen.evere@pndrgngrls.co.uk, lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk, heartwillgo.leon@pndrgngrls.co.uk, elena@pndrgngrls.co.uk, vivi.notwestwood@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Ethics and Moral Philosophy

So… what? We’re done? Aren’t the lovebirds in love? (@Viv - what the fuck are you trying to pull with that giggly intern, woman.)

MY POPCORN IS GOING STALE.

Would giving this fizzled firework a second spark be the right thing to do, and what would be the consequences of the lovebirds discovering our meddling? Discuss.

\- Gwaine

* * *

 

> **To:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** elena@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Ethics and Moral FART

So… fresh out of important things to do, G? Shall I give you some of my workload since you’re so invested in our baby Wart and baby Merls’s relationship troubles?

\- Ellie

[attachment: fart noises.mp3]

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

 **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk

 **From:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk

 **Subject:** Neon pink? Really?

Merls,

Why don’t you just go the extra mile and colour it invisible? (Don’t even think about it. I will exact my revenge.) I didn’t notice you doing it this time, so great job. Elena had to come over and sing JASON MRAZ at me before I pulled out my pocket mirror and screamed.

Are you doing ok? I know I got at you with the whole Wart’s-mad-for-you thing, but I wouldn’t have sent you Morgana’s emails with him if I didn’t think it was the right thing to do. Baby Merlsie, if you really still want him, you’re going to have to let your guard down and let him in, all right? He’s clearly not the same arsehole that he used to be. Losing you cost him a lot more than you think.

I’m not saying you owe him a second chance just because he’s changed — you really _don’t_ — but if you still love him, if he’s still the prick that stuffs you best, you owe it to yourself.

Hugs and kisses and oodles of love,

Your Dearest Older Brother Who Was Tasked by Mum and Dad to Bring Merlin Home for Lasagna Night and only Just Remembered

[attachment: [Geek in Pink - Jason Mraz.mp3](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)]

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Urgent

I’m assuming, from the pristine condition of my things, that you fixed the “fire” with your magic.

Thanks.

\- Arthur Pendragon

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** IF HE’S STILL THE PRICK THAT STUFFS YOU BEST!?

This corporation is a _farce_. I am printing all these emails out and when Pendragon  & Gorlois gets inevitably sued for pulling the wool over the public’s eyes and convincing everyone it exists for an actual reason, I will testify against all of you. I promise. Do you lot have _nothing_ better to do than give love advice in the middle of the day and sing Jason Mraz at each other? Fucking hell. Is this why we interns get so much slog? So you can wear expensive tatty rags in the name of fashion and recline in your million-pound leather chairs in air-conditioned offices to wank like the wankers you are? What even does this company do to stay afloat, have cash-magnet Uther Pendragon piss around? Arthur’s going on a date with Sophia! I’m too fucking late! So you can fuck right off and leave me alone!

\- I Miss Dad’s Lasagna, I’ll Be There

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Bcc:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** ’twas a pithy choice of words and i stand by it

Dearest I Miss Dad’s Lasagna, I’ll Be There,

All may not be lost, you know. Just don’t run away next time he looks at you, regardless of how much his smile [makes your kokoro go doki doki](http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/you-make-my-kokoro-go-doki-doki).

\- Gwaine

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Giving up?

Darling,

Whatever happened to your elaborate plan to woo Merlin back? You didn’t even begin Step 1. And I know what you said the other day in between those tablespoonfuls of Banana Chocolate Brownie, but if what you said about your devastating break-up fight is true, I don’t think he could _ever_ hate you.

\- Morgie

PS Look, your tyrant father’s breathing down upper management’s necks about the wastage of time he’s observed in our working hours ever since the new batch of interns was hired, so I can’t email you too often — but you’ll still keep emailing me, yeah?

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Giving up?

Morgana,

I might be making it difficult for him to work peacefully here. I know it was his dream to work for PG and increase public magic awareness and so I can’t stand in the way of the Nobel he’s going to win (he’s a sodding genius, really).

All right. I’ll “activate” the plan if he’s… receptive to the next thing I say to him. And then if it doesn’t work out, I’m done once and for all, and you are NOT allowed to ever mention his name around me again.

\- Wart

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** heartwillgo.leon@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Morgana’s Rolling Her Eyes Too Hard to Respond

He turned down a better-paying position in the R&D division to stay at his desk beside you, Arthur.

\- Leon

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** gwen.evere@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** the bet

Husband,

For all my moral posturing about the bet you lads’ve got ongoing, I’d like to toss in 100 pounds of my own. Can you pass it on to Leon and Gwaine? And Percy, if he’s in on this.

I’ve got my eye on some kitchen appliances and oh, all right, Elyan goaded me into doing this.

\- Wife

* * *

 

> **To:**  utherpendragon@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Cc:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk, g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk, heartwillgo.leon@pndrgngrls.co.uk, elena@pndrgngrls.co.uk, gwen.evere@pndrgngrls.co.uk, lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk, vivi.notwestwood@pndrgngrls.co.uk, gaiuspasquier@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** utherpendragon@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Employee Review

Dear All,

I’d like to inform you of an upcoming all-employee time management review. No preparation of any kind is necessary. However, you are requested to pass on this announcement to your subordinates in your capacities as Heads of Department.

Best,

Alice Geoffrey

Secretary to the Chairman, Uther Pendragon

Pendragon & Gorlois


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an extra email this time to make up for the delay. also i was feeling super super lonely because i can't talk to friends so to hell with established patterns

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** [no subject]

We’re taking Economic Policy Analysis together, aren’t we? I loathe our professor, fuck. What does he even do? Brings his Master’s thesis to class and reads out from it and then writes the same bloody thing on the blackboard. Just give us the damn thesis and let us go free, you bastard!

\- Merlin

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: [no subject]

(Thanks a whole bunch for the lasagna! Tell Mr GW I miss him loads. Mrs GW more.) Did you need any lecture notes? I don’t think my handwriting should pose a problem, but if it does, let me know.

\- Arthur

_[show quoted text]_

[attachments: EPA Week 1.pdf, EPA Week 2.pdf, EPA Week 3.pdf, … , EPA Week 8.pdf]

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Re: [no subject]

(Will do.) Oh, thanks so much for the notes! Isn’t Sophia in our class, too? Sophia from Vivian’s department! I think I saw her next to you a couple of days ago in the lecture hall… I heard you went on a date with her! Was it fun? She seems to be a really nice girl :)

\- Merlin

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Re: Get to the point

Didn’t my father send everyone an email in which he ranted about people misappropriating company resources for personal uses? The one in which he specifically said to _not_ do the aforementioned?

The one which his secretary translated for us as “stop gossiping and I won’t ask you what all the gossiping’s about”?

\- Arthur

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** The one which Leon translated for us as “I’m jealous

that you lot know how to use the Internet better than I do”?

I’m just making small talk! Rude.

\- Merlin

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** His face

Now, I’m not saying the (troglodytic) chairman deserved it for the reaming he gave us all, but he sort of did. I regret nothing.

\- Gwaine, quite possibly the _former_ Head of the Community Outreach and Awareness Division of Pendragon  & Gorlois

* * *

 

 

> **To:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Troglodytes and Vainglorious Arses

I don’t think Gwen’s going to even _look_ in your direction anymore, you know? Or Lance or Percy.

\- Morgana, Still Very Much Employed and Ashamed of Her Colleagues

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Are you fucking kidding me

Merlin just told all the interns what Gwaine did. Dad’s my father, for fuck’s sake. I’m supposed to keep showing my face around here whilst still maintaining my dignity.

Gwaine assumed every pop culture reference after 1789 would go over his head but clearly you forgot to tell him Dad’d know all the lyrics to Toothbrush. Tell me it wasn’t on purpose, Morgie.

\- Wart

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** The first rule of Family Karaoke

We don’t talk about Family Karaoke.

\- Morgie

PS It’s your fault he knows DNCE. I told you he’d learn and adapt if you kept singing the songs just to wind him up. It’s the entire reason you know the songs yourself.

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** maybe you don’t have to rush

you could leave a toothbrush at my place, at my place

we don’t need to keep it hush, you could leave a toothbrush

at my place, at my place

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** toiletry and dental hygiene

You’re singing out loud. Stop it, it’s annoying.

\- Merlin

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: toiletry and dental hygiene

Singing even louder isn’t the solution. “When you’re standing there in your underwear and my T-shirt from the night before” isn’t appropriate workplace music, Mr I’m-Suddenly-A-Stickler-For-My-Daddy’s-Rules-As-Usual.

How the hell are you still bitter about the DNCE thing? You _know_ it’s Will’s fault, right, for engraving the lyrics into my head with his caterwauling?

\- Merlin

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** utherpendragon@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** william.wordsworthless@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Potential Lawsuit

Dear Mr Chairman,

Thank you for your email. I would like to disclaim all responsibility since my friend Freya Sinclair is actually the one who introduced that “nonsense sex music” to the rest of us.

Please don’t sue me.

Yours with the utmost devotion,

William J Chauncey

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** About the dinner invite

Hey, Merlin.

You’ve no idea how chuffed I am about your invitation. I’d love to catch up with you over Italian, just like we used to — I’m over the moon, honestly. It’s been ages and I’ve missed you.

But I can’t do Friday, I’m promised to Sophia that evening. And I think she’s really interested in spending the weekend with me, too. “Leaving a toothbrush at my place”, and all that, yeah? So sorry, mate. Any other day work for you? Please don’t cancel.

\- Arthur

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: About the dinner invite

Arthur,

You’ve nothing to worry about, I’m not going to cancel. Of course girlfriends come first (heh). We can always shift this to another day. I mean, we’ve gone without talking to each other for a year, now, so I think a handful more days won’t wreak too much havoc in our friendship.

I think I’d be able to do a school night (…war flashbacks to actual school) if we go right after work ends. To an eatery close to my flat, but maybe it’d be too inconvenient for you. As someone famous probably once said: _no dice_?

Anyway, yeah. I’m glad you still want to talk to me, even though I was a proper arse to you when we first started working here, wasn’t I? (And are you certain the chairman won’t shout at us for the time-wasting anymore? To be fair, I _did_ get a head-start on next week’s work while you mucked about singing DNCE, so I feel like I have every reason to be lazy now.)

\- Merlin

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** sophiaos.sidhe@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Friday

Art!

I’m so glad your Friday plans fell through. At the last moment, too! I’d love to go clubbing with you for sure ;) See you at the Rising Sun at 11?

\- Soph xxx


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so late!! sorry!!  
> enjoy!! hope this update makes up for the delay :)

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** what we deserve

and what we don’t: a treatise by Morgana Pendragon

attached with this email.

\- Morgana

[attachment: you totally deserved that lmao.jpg]

* * *

    

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** I was asking for it, yes.

Oh, she pretty much knew what she was in for.

And judging by the way she was playing tonsil hockey with that friend of Merlin’s, I’m not sure she minded too much. After that first dumping of her Sazerac on my blazer.

And the second of someone else’s whatever. Smelt like a straight shot of tequila, but who knows.

\- Arthur

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

  

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Why are you like this.

Honestly. Why.

Are you scared? _Now?_

Arthur, I _JUST_ want to be friends. Okay? You reached out, so I’m reaching out, too. You didn’t have to run away to a club and make a mess of things with your girlfriend just because I _smiled_ at you for longer than a second.

I don’t think you’ve got over any of your issues, Arthur. You’re still the same arse.

\- Merlin

* * *

  

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** my little brother

can u… not.

he loves you _far_ more than you love him. get over yourself.

\- Gwaine

* * *

   

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Why are you like this.

I’m not scared. She wasn’t my girlfriend.

And I don’t want to be friends with you.

\- Arthur

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

   

> **To:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Fwd: Re: Why are you like this.

Literally stop fucking interfering in my life, Gwaine. Do you fucking see this.

Did you fabricate that email from him that had that soppy love confession after the whole Valiant thing.

Just. Stop.

Have to go now. Arthur says Gaius needs us for something up on the 25th floor.

\- Merlin

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Bcc:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** 25th floor

Merlin, the 25th floor is the Chairman’s penthouse flat.

IT’S A TRAP! WART’S A SERIAL KILLER! HE’S LURING YOU INTO A TRAP! *cue horror music*

\- Gwaine

_[show quoted text]_

[attachment: fridaythe13th-downloadcrop.jpg]

* * *

 

> **To:** gwen.evere@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** a very suspicious lift cctv recording

Wife,

The lads from Security just sent something over to HR and said we’d need to do something about the people in this. Haven’t watched it yet. Join me with a cuppa? Ceylon if Elena and Leon haven’t raided the cupboards and stolen all the teabags yet.

\- Husband x

[attachment: RLFT02000180x17-1305.avi]

* * *

 

> **To:** lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** elena@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** first of all, how dare you

On behalf of myself and the great Sir Leon,

I vehemently object to your insinuation that we, connoisseurs of fine British teas, trust-fund babies rolling in cash, would stoop so low so as to STEAL????? Ceylon tea from the company pantry?????? YOU SIT THERE IN YOUR CUSHY HR ROLLY CHAIRS (is that what they’re called) and just accuse us hard-working commoners of anything, don’t you? Is that how you pass the time?? Seeing as HR has fuck-all to do since this company’s a well-oiled _machine_.

\- Alleged Ceylon Tea Thief and Accomplice

PS You’re forgetting whom you’re dealing with, Lance A Lot But Can’t Moonwalk To Save His Life. You’re sparring with the one HoD who wrangled a sane email id from Morgana, and don’t you forget it.

* * *

   

> **To:** lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** gwen.evere@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** she was with me when I got your email

I’m not looking forward to the sad puppy dog eyes. Can I bring us some Earl Grey if we’re out of Ceylon?

And ooh, lift surveillance video. On my way.

\- Wife

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

  

> **To:** elena@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** excusez moi

Elena,

Spare me your indignation. The Chairman asked me in his “time management review”/interrogation why we were out of Darjeeling last month. HR was forced to set up a temporary CCTV camera in the pantry to investigate. We know it’s you and Leon. And we know it’s revenge for whatever Gwaine and Vivian’s departments did to yours in the Annual Pendragon & Gorlois Company Retreat Games.

Speaking of CCTV surveillance footage, Gwen and I just watched a very… interesting video. We wouldn’t complain if you’d like to come up to 13 and watch. Though as the head of HR I do have ethical concerns about sharing this video with others without the consent of the two people featured in it.

Can you snag Morgana on your way? I’m a bit hesitant to tell her, since Wart’s one of those two people. And warn her that we’ve all either already become or are about to become voyeurs.

\- Lancelot

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

  

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Cc:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** idiot boys

This is a place of _work_ , not a set from a soap! You two can’t just snog _any_ where!

Do you know the gymnastics I’m going to have to perform to erase this video and threaten Security into silence? Do you have any idea how hard my job is, especially with Uther breathing down my neck? Did you give a single thought to the fact that Uther already is readying his whip because of these emails?

Stop treating the company that handed you this gold-standard internship as the scene for your romantic drama.

\- Morgana Gorlois

* * *

  

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** [no subject]

Going by the frantic clutching of your shirt collar and hair and whatnot, Merlin was plenty into it but please tell me he was crying after because your kissing skills are just that good.

\- Gana

* * *

  

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: [no subject]

“he was crying after because your kissing skills are just that good.”

I don’t fucking know.

\- Wart

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** freya.sinclair@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **From:** merlin.greenewyllt@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Arthur

We kissed. He sort of pinned me against the wall of the lift and snogged the living daylights out of me.

And everyone at the company we work at knows about it, because this is real life and lifts have cameras.

I might have sent him into a panic attack and scared him off me forever by crying a tiny bit.

Freya, I hate this internship, I wish I’d never taken it. I want to quit.

\- Merlin


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please enjoy this update <3  
>  ~~adkjsgfjklsgf i constantly worry this isn't funny~~

> **To:** merlin.greenewyllt@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **From:** freya.sinclair@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **Subject:** don’t quit

Don’t quit.

This is your dream company, Merlin. You’ve dreamt of working for the welfare of magic users for _ever_ , and doing this as part of an organisation founded by possibly the most famous (ex-)magic hater would be the greatest fuck-you to all the anti-magic fuckers ever. Don’t let one guy who may or may not be the One True Love of your life change your mind.

For me, don’t quit. If you care about what happened to me, don’t.

\- Freya

* * *

  

> **To:** freya.sinclair@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **From:** merlin.greenewyllt@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **Subject:** okay. Okay.

I won’t. I was just being dramatic. I can’t, y’know? Doing this internship will probably let me graduate with honours. And then if I get a job here I’d be able to fight for you, backed by the might of Pendragon & Gorlois. <3

I just. God, Frey, I’d missed him _so_ much. So fucking much. He’s my best friend. And that was the first time I smelt his cologne or stood so close to him in over a year and then he _kissed_ me and it was proper magical and it was like we were a real couple for two minutes and then I remembered that he’d thought we were just “best mates who shag” or whatever and then that awful fight and it was so fucking painful — and _then_ I remembered he’s in _love_ with me, he _loves me back_ and broke it off with Sophia the Miss Tintagel Personality of the Year for me.

What a mess.

Argh. Got to go. Econ Policy Anal(ysis) calls. Tell me what the doctor says.

\- Merls

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

  

> **To:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** that DNCE song

So, Uther brought your name up in our weekly lunch. Apparently he hasn’t yet got over the fact that you responded to, “Do you believe we need to immediately publicise the _full_ data about anti-sorcery demonstrators buying curse spheres on the black market and attacking magic users with them?” with “we don’t need to keep it hush, you can leave a toothbrush at my place”.

How do you still have a job? How did he let you keep your job?

\- Morgana

* * *

 

> **To:** william.wordsworthless@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Sophia

So, I take it you two are a couple now?

Also — please tell me you didn’t see the video.

\- M

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** at my plaaaaaace

If you’ll remember, my hair was neon pink courtesy of my annoying little brother when I went to see him. I don’t think he took anything I said seriously after that first gawping stare at my head.

\- Gwaine

PS How’s Arthur doing? I sent him an email warning him to be careful with Merlsie after the interns had that stupid night out and — I can’t fucking believe this — he showed up at my house in A SUIT AND TIE and sat down with me to “DISCUSS HIS INTENTIONS” re: Merlin. It was almost as if he was asking me for Merlin’s hand in marriage, lol. Haven’t told parents about this yet. Might never do, Mum might have a heart attack.

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: at my pla~ace

My baby cousin is so… oh lord. I think I need to go hug him and ruffle his hair.

\- M

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** william.wordsworthless@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** hehehehe

No, we’re not a couple, but don’t worry, she won’t be your competition for that poncey nob anymore. We _both_ saw that video, see. Our HoD, Vivian, all but shoved it in our faces.

You’re not bad at sucking face. Hm. Our after-school kissing practice paid off!

Anyway, since I’m apparently the enabling best friend in the romedy movie of your life, you go get your man, Merlin!

\- Will xoxo

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

  

> **To:** william.wordsworthless@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** FUCK OFF AND DIE

[empty]

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** william.chauncey@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **Cc:** merlin.greenewylllt@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **From:**  freya.sinclair@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **Subject:** test results

I’ll be perfectly fine! Doc said the transformations ought to last for three months more but they’re giving me suppressants every day at midnight until then. Come see me in the hosp? <3 I’m craving blueberry banana muffins and the latest issue of _Vogue_ , and Dad 1 said he’s not going to smuggle them into the ward, Dad 2 would arrest him.

\- Frey x

PS Dad 2’s caught the fucker who attacked me.

* * *

  

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Regarding Arthur

Dear VP Gorlois,

I hope you won’t mind my contacting you so directly and out of the blue like this.

I’ve written this email to you since I’d like to talk about Arthur.

And the video that’s apparently made the rounds of this company.

Arthur told me that you’ve got rid of it and any possible blackmail copies that my older brother could’ve made (pro-tip: Gwaine has a secret compartment in the second-to-last drawer of his desk where he keeps his Spiderman comics). But I wanted to apologise for the lack of professionalism that I’ve been displaying so far. I assure you I’ll be better from now on.

And, if I have your permission, I’d like to ask you something about Arthur.

Thank you.

Yours sincerely,

Merlin Greene-Wyllt

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Regarding Arthur

Darling Merlin,

You don’t need to be quite so formal with me. I’ve walked in on Arthur cry-wanking to photos of you far too often lately and feel like I know you already.

It’s all right about the lift thing, I ripped Arthur a new one for it and I’m sure neither of you will be repeating this on pain of termination, or at the very least jealous glares from everyone else in the company who’s a little bit in love with Arthur), but I hope you’re okay, and that he didn’t coerce you — you were crying at the end there. HR’s reached out to the both of you, haven’t they? Feel free to snitch on Arthur if he’s been slacking off on his reports and surveys, he keeps bragging about them. It grates on my nerves!

Your performance so far has been excellent, actually, and you needn’t worry about any punishment; Gaius always gives me glowing reviews of you, and you go above and beyond the standard we require from our trainees. Keep up the good work!

(Did you know about Gwaine’s _other_ secret compartment in the company pantry where he keeps his coconut water and Danielle Steel novels?)

And about Arthur — ask away. Isn’t he the most obvious kid ever?

\- Morgana, call me Morgana.

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Re: Regarding Arthur

Dear Morgana,

He wanks off to me? Cry-wanks?

No, he didn’t coerce me. I was an active participant. The tears afterwards were,,, an emotional release.

Anyway. Thank you for the nice things you said about my work ethic. My question about Arthur was that, well, is he ever going to act on his “plan” to woo me? I’ve heard, um, whispers about some plan he had and was just wondering.

\- Merlin

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Regarding Arthur

You know very well he’s head over heels for you, dear. Of course he does that, especially since he thinks you’re forever out of his reach.

So, that git actually made a something-point plan to woo you stepwise. I’ll send it to you once I steal it from him. I don’t know if he’s going to stick to it, but since you’ve asked, you know.

(…you’re not just taking the piss, right? Don’t break my brother’s heart.)

\- Morgana

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** NO!

I’m not taking the piss! Arthur and I had a really horrible falling-out but I was miserable after. And I really do love him and I know the kind of person he is, and he’s noble and charming and self-effacing and he took the pains to learn more about magic, and admitted that he was in the wrong and he’s my closest friend ever, even though he’s also an arrogant, posh, narcissistic tosser who throws his money around and comes to class in ironed shirts and thinks boys who snog looking into each other’s eyes while having slow sex can be just best mates.

Thank you.

\- Merlin

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** arthur.pendragon@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **From:** merlin.greenewyllt@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **Subject:** hey

Hi, Arthur. Merlin here, but you knew that.

Sorry about the lift thing. I was overwhelmed. I hope you didn’t take it too hard. We can forget it ever happened, okay?

Want to discuss the upcoming EPA quiz over a coffee at the canteen?

\- M

PS have you ever cry-wanked to anyone? Just curious. Will does it all the time to, oh you might not want to know since she’s related to you.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, yay new chapter~ i think a Crack tag might be necessary hahah! there's now a fixed length to this story - ~~18 chapters total, 8 more to go!!~~ I lied there's 15 total I'M SORRY
> 
> so many new email ids in this one heh. 
> 
> please enjoy!
> 
> with all my love :)

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Graduation Plans

Wart!

I didn’t get the chance to ask you this when we last met for that coffee — are you still interested in running the company alongside Morgana? I remember that used to be your ambition. Or have your aims changed recently? :)

It’d be nice, I think, if we were to work in the same company.

\- Merlin

PS You never answered my cry-wanking question.

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Graduation Plans

Not sure, Merlin. To be honest, I haven’t been giving it much thought. This year’s been… lol well, you know. Fucking terrible.

Yeah, it’d be quite nice.

\- Wart

PS That question does not merit an answer.

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** gaiuspasquier@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Delivery

Arthur,

I walked into my office this morning to find a lovely coral rose with a long green stalk on my table. I would have been extremely surprised had it actually been for me; sure enough, I found beside it a note that seems to be addressed to _you_.

Would you mind picking both those items up from my office ASAP? I don’t see why I should humiliate anyone else.

Best,

Gaius

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** At least…

At least he’s talking to me again? And being friendly… er. He told me that he’d be okay with pretending the lift debacle never happened. Or did he mean he’d be okay with pretending that his _tears_ never happened?

Why can’t I read Merlin like I used to? Wait, no, I couldn’t read him, which is why we fell out in the first place. What’s going through that brain-box’s head? I can’t even go and ask — what if I scare him off again or make him _cry_?

Gwaine said he (Merlin, not Gwaine) loves me when I went to his (Gwaine’s, not Merlin’s) house.

When did my life become a sodding romance novel?

\- Wart

PS Someone anonymously sent me a coral rose… and delivered it to Gaius’s office. I think it might be Mordred from uni, there’s a note with the rose with Shakespeare on it and Mordred’s always been a bit emo.

[attachment: IMG00153.jpg]

* * *

 

> **To:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Cc:** gwen.evere@pndrgngrls.co.uk, lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk, g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk, heartwillgo.leon@pndrgngrls.co.uk, elena@pndrgngrls.co.uk, vivi.notwestwood@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Fwd: At least…

For all that Wart is a smart business-minded chess-playing nerd, he’s a _dumb shit_. Someone get me a Venti-sized coffee and do a background check on this Mordred fellow just in case.

\- Morgana

_[show quoted text]_

[attachment: IMG00153.jpg]

* * *

  

> **To:** freya.sinclair@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** askjdfhgjshdg

I BALLSED UP THE SPELL AND SENT THE ROSE TO GAIUS PASQUIER AND FOR SOME REASON WART THINKS IT’S MORDRED FROM MY LIT CLUB

Oh this is Merlin btw, I’m (mis)using my company email which I’m sure they’re not going to be too chuffed about but who cares I’m dying of embarrassment right now. I need to check if my nonverbal magic still works.

* * *

 

> **To:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** elena@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** [no subject]

Auburn pompadours strangely look nice on you. Tell Merlin to never change, I love that boy with all my heart.

\- Ellie x

* * *

  

> **To:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Cc:** lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk, elena@pndrgngrls.co.uk, gwen.evere@pndrgngrls.co.uk, ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk, vivi.notwestwood@pndrgngrls.co.uk, elyan.degeneres@pndrgngrls.co.uk, per.se@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** heartwillgo.leon@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Office Pool

Hello, everyone, Leon here.

Have CC’ed Elyan and Perce from the Wales branch of P&G (years of working here and I still end up calling us Procter & Gamble, for fuck’s sake) as well. Say hi, everyone.

So, four-ish months since the Intern Office Romance (re-romance?) soap began. Here’s where we stand vis-à-vis the sweepstakes that our very own, very enterprising Gwaine set up. About 6500 pounds sterling in the pool as of today, and here’s the predictions everyone’s made (I’ll keep the identities secret because we’ve had a couple of anonymous participants so — might as well make everybody anon).

  1. ****They keep _nearly_ shacking up together and then having their unique brand of misunderstandings until the end of time.
  2. ****They snog at least thrice before they realise they have each other’s hearts.
  3. ****Arthur — > romantic confession —> Merlin
  4. ****Merlin — > romantic confession —> Arthur
  5. ****They send each other mixed signals until hearts get broken a _gain_ and we need to intervene.
  6. ****Leon and Morgana get together before these dunderheads. _I see why you stayed anon, you fucker_
  7. ****The company runs out of its popcorn stash in the pantry before this particular movie ends
  8. ****They end up learning they’re a reincarnation of the King Arthur and Wizard Merlin of legend. _Don’t be stupid, anon._
  9. ****They keep driving Morgana up the wall while she’s running the company on behalf of her figurehead uncle until she gives up on their _ever_ acting maturely, thus needing to unveil her treachery by sending them both each other’s email professions of love.
  10. ****heart-to-heart and sensual shag @ annual P &G company retreat games



Some of you’ve already lost your money on prev time-based bets, sorry about that. But do keep participating, trust-fund babies!

\- Leon

[attachment: pndrgngrls-sweepstakes.xls]

* * *

  

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Cc:** gaiuspasquier@pndrgngrls.co.uk, kill.bill@pndrgngrls.co.uk, edlose.muirden@pndrgngrls.co.uk, prime.aredian@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** utherpendragon@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Odd thumping sounds on a lower floor

Dear All,

The chairman would like you to investigate the reason for and source of the unusual noise he, and I’m sure all of you, can hear somewhere around the first floor of the building. Report back ASAP.

Best,

Alice Geoffrey

Secretary to the Chairman, Uther Pendragon

Pendragon & Gorlois

* * *

 

> **To:** hrm@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** gaiuspasquier@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Fire all the interns

Just do it. No questions. Heads will roll. Start with my rebel son, Arthur.

\- Gaius, on behalf of Uther

* * *

 

> **To:** gaiuspasquier@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Cc:** utherpendragon@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** hrm@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Fire all the interns

Dear Chairman Pendragon (and Gaius),

I couldn’t possibly do that without someone in the press getting wind of it and raising hell/ a storm of wrongful dismissal lawsuits.

Moreover, I’m not sure that 20 bored (but otherwise highly enthusiastic and productive) interns should be faulted for an — ostensibly — impromptu karaoke battle, especially since they waited until it was their break time to do it.

Please advise.

Regards,

Lancelot du Lac

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** sophiaos.sidhe@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Cc:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk, william.wordsworthless@pndrgngrls.co.uk, gillyweed@pndrgngrls.co.uk, myth.ian@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** crown emoji

Hear ye!

Princess Sophia, you put up a good fight with Gwen Stefani, but ultimately your efforts to topple both the King of P&G Karaoke and the King of Rock and Roll proved futile. Take pride in your magnificent attempt.

I, Arthur Pendragon, claim my rightful place as Karaoke King of P&G, nay, all Camelot.

Regally,

Arthur

* * *

  

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** william.wordsworthless@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: crown emoji

Well, I didn’t vote for you.

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** freya.sinclair@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **From:** merlin.greenewyllt@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Wart

Oh lord if only I’d written my _name_ on that note.

Anyway, look at this video! Thank fuck he wasn’t looking at Sophia or Mithian or any of the others while singing this, only straight into my phone camera so it’s like I’ve made a music video of him.

[attachment: wart - [can’t help falling in love with you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGJTaP6anOU).mp4]

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** old man emoji

Naturally you’ll be my Court Sorcerer, won’t you? :)

\- Wart/ Cabbage Head


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cracks knuckles* time to add the Good Uther tag

> **To:** merlin.greenewyllt@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **From:** freya.sinclair@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Step 2 of Arthur Pendragon’s Ridiculous Courtship Plan, Appropriated [subject too long]

A love letter? You’re going to send him an actual handwritten letter?

Dad 1 likes the idea, though. “Old-school romantic.” Dad 2 stayed mum, but that’s because he wrote letters to Dad 1 in his day and Dad 1 still teases him about it.

oh lol Wikipedia has a page on love letters. sigh Wikipedia has everything

(I’m out of blueberry muffins! DON’T LET ME STARVE)

\- Frey

PS The video is _love_. I think he’s definitely, really, truly in love with you, Merlin. You’re a fool for saying you’d be OK with forgetting that emo snog.

* * *

 

> **To:** freya.sinclair@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **From:** merlin.greenewyllt@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Step 2 of Arthur Pendragon’s Ridiculous Courtship Plan, Appropri [subject too long]

WART’S A CLOSET ROMANTIC I think I’m even more in love with this prat now.

Oh fuck, he just came into work and looks _furious_.

Okay, I talked to him and… seems he was talking to Mordred about the coral rose (which, IT WAS ME DAMN IT. And now it’s too late to say it) during a lecture and Valiant and Cenred overheard and said something disgusting about Mordred, and sth else about Arthur having a _type_.

Wart isn’t repeating those insults in detail because he’s Wart, protective till the end. I s’pose Valiant’s still pretty angry about getting kicked off the uni footie team and trying to get Wart kicked off, too.

You know, Valiant was always an arsehole to me even when I was just the footie captain’s asdfghjkl mate (can’t even write the word, lmao). And now he’s coming after Wart even harder now that he’s started rising to the bait.

Wish I could talk to Wart in private.

\- Merls

PS Yeah, I know, but — I’d rather have his friendship than nothing, right? So I said that _just in case_ he’s only having a bit of fun with me.

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** [no subject]

Can I see you in the storage room at the end of the corridor?

I’m sorry, I know it’s a bad idea and they prolly have cameras there, too, and we’ve already been given official warnings by Morgs and HR/Lance but — please. It’s not to snog or anything, I promise. I just. Need a friendly face right now. And you’re my best friend, you’re always the first one that springs to mind. Always, even in the months that you weren’t there. It’s always you, Merlin.

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** storage room shenanigans

Morgana,

Is everything all right with Wart? Security sent another vid my way, said it was the same kid as before.

I’m not going to watch the video this time — the chairman’s here talking to Gwen and the others about something and if he’s capable of firing people over break-time karaoke… yeah.

\- Lance

[attachment: 2FEqR0200180x24-1512.avi]

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Wart

You know you can talk to me, right? About anything? I love you, you know that, right?

\- Morgana

PS Yes, your long, long, long hug with Gwaine’s little brother was caught on camera.

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** heartwillgo.leon@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Did some sleuthing

Valiant, who _coincidentally_ is the son of one of the higher-ups at Essetir, said something about the chairman disowning Wart and kicking him to the kerb if he finds out about Wart’s preferences and that he’s been shagging a magic-using —— like Merlin Greene-Wyllt; and it got Wart where it hurts.

This is the first time I’ve wanted to feel bone and cartilage shattering under my fist, lol. Would that we were knights a thousand years ago, I would’ve probably run Valiant through with my sword. Or Wart would have, which would be the perfect conclusion.

\- Leon

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Dinner at Mum and Dad’s tonight

Up to Morgana if she wants to tag along, but you make sure to drag Wart to dinner with you no matter what. Tell him Dad’s making extra lasagna for him.

\- Your Very Protective Older Brother Who Cares for the Bloke You Care For

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Dad

He wouldn’t disown me, right? I’m his only son. I’m the only thing he’s got left of Mum’s. And he’s mostly got over his hatred of Aunt Nim and magic users, he even set up a department in P&G to remedy the damage he’s done to the magic community. He wouldn’t disown me after something _that_ momentous for liking boys or loving magic-using Merlin, right? I can’t let go of Merlin. Not again.

I’ve been saving up in a private bank account and I think I’ve got enough to pay rent on my flat for the next six months — I’m graduating with first-class honours and ought to get a job at a respectable company with my name and transcript. Should be fine. Will you be there for me?

\- Wart

* * *

 

> **To:** utherpendragon@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Fwd: Dad

I think it’s time you cleared the air with your son, Uther.

Best,

Morgana Gorlois

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** utherpendragon@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** My dear boy

Could you come see me in my office?

\- Dad

* * *

 

> **To:** arthur.pendragon@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **From:** mordred.faye@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **Subject:** The Coral Rose

Before those fuckwits interrupted us, we were talking about a coral rose you got with a Shakespeare note. Just wanted to say — it wasn’t me. I’m far more interested in Merlin Greene-Wyllt than you. Sorry not sorry. Wonder if he’s single?

\- Mordred ;)

* * *

 

> **To:** mordred.faye@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **From:** arthur.pendragon@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: The Coral Rose

Mordred,

Thanks for clarifying. I s’pose I’ll have to live never knowing who sent me the rose.

And — no, Merlin’s very happily taken.

\- Arthur

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** william.wordsworthless@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** I LOST IT

THE LOVE LETTER I WROTE TO WART. I FINISHED WRITING IT AND WENT TO THE LOO AND — AND WHEN I CAME BACK IT WAS GONE FROM MY DESK. CAN YOU HELP ME SEARCH FOR IT PLEASE WHAT IF SOPHIA CAME IN AND FOUND IT. OR MITHIAN OMG. or Gillyweed, he would post it online T^T

HELP ME I’M A FUCKING IDIOT

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** william.wordsworthless@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** yes, you’ve totally lost it

Why’d all our teachers call you a genius in sixth form? “Sure to win awards and shatter preconceptions of magic” or some such bull. Can’t even keep track of a piece of paper.

Just taking the piss, mate. Love ya.

Vivian’s not letting Soph or me get up from our desks until we finish designing the last bit of her project, so it definitely wasn’t Soph who took it.

\- Will

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** arthur.pendragon@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** save

as back up/ future reference. @ self star this email

[attachment: merlin letter.jpg]


	12. Chapter 12

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Upcoming Presentation and Mysterious Package

Hey, Merlin,

I don’t know if you know about this, but about 11 months ago, PG (or P&G, whichever one works) began to sponsor the sole school in Ealdor, a hamlet on the outskirts of Camelot that’s got a majority population of magic-users. We’ve just got back data from them about the changes they’ve been able to make to their infrastructure, teaching staff, and curricula, and the HoDs of MagLia, Comm. Out and Acc&Fin think the data analysis is simple enough for three interns from each department to do together and then forward to Legal/ Vivian and R&D/ Elena.

Gaius recommended you, Gwaine recommended Mithian, and Leon was kind enough to nominate me — and before you cry nepotism, I’m the only intern doing anything remotely Mathematical here, lol, so you would’ve needed me sooner or later.

So, the three of us’ve got to analyse those changes and then present our findings Friday next week to a group of all the HoDs and the assistant HoDs, plus Morgs and my dad if their schedules allow for it.

I’m sure you’ll get an email from Gaius about this soon, or have got one already — I just wanted to share the news with you as soon as I got it myself.

\- Arthur

PS I saw you leaving a wrapped parcel on my desk earlier today. I haven’t opened it yet, I’m waiting until you’re free for a bit. Is it a present? What for?

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Upcoming Presentation and Mysterious Package

Wart,

That’s brilliant news! I didn’t know, actually. I’m pleased as punch — Ealdor’s where my mum was born! Looking forward to working with you and Mith.

I’ve been _requisitioned_ upstairs by VP Gorlois (you are _so_ unprofessional, referring to her as ‘Morgs’ at work), she needed someone to fill in for her PA who’s rung in sick for the week. You can open the present on your own, you’re a big boy.

\- Merls

PS You wouldn’t happen to have… appropriated a letter that was lying on my desk the other day, yeah?

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** thumbs down emoji

Merls,

Spoilsport. It’s not as if I’d call her that in front of anyone but you.

Opening the present now

Fucking hell, Merlin. Did you use your magic to create them? Did you time-travel to get them signed? How did you know I’d always…?

Fuck. I wish I could come upstairs and see you. This is… fantastic. _Thank you_.

\- Wart

PS No clue what you’re on about, mate.

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** freya.sinclair@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **Cc:** william.chauncey@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **From:** merlin.greenewyllt@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **Subject:** IT WORKED

He liked the first-edition LoTRs :) What a nerd :)

Also it looks like he didn’t take the letter, but he’s always been a bloody good liar about these things.

\- Merlin

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Merlin

Dear darling cousin,

However did Merlin come across signed first editions of all three volumes of the Lord of the Rings? I know for a fact that he can’t have acquired them on his own, magic or no.

 _And_ it’s just — quite curious, that he seems to be proceeding according to a certain stepwise plan (don’t call me a nerd for wanting to be methodical) I’d made seven months ago, to woo him.

AND why would he think to ask me about something as irrelevant to everything as _cry-wanking_? Something that taught you to knock on doors beforehand?

I wonder how he accomplished all of it. I do wonder, indeed.

\- Wart

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Merlin

I wonder as well, C Arthurste Dupindragon.

\- Morgie

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Cc:** heartwillgo.leon@pndrgngrls.co.uk, elena@pndrgngrls.co.uk, gwen.evere@pndrgngrls.co.uk, lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk, vivi.notwestwood@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Gossip Drought

Spill the beans, woman. What’s going on with Merls and Wart?

Merlin just wriggles out of any conversation I start with him about this, which means he isn’t sad enough to open up to his concerned brother anymore :’(

I’d call this progress but it means I have no news to share and the office pool is _languishing_ , as am I.

\- Gwaine, LANGUISHING here

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Re: Merlin

It’s really not hard to believe you’re the one who came up with all our… inspired email addresses. HR must’ve had a field day.

I’m just thankful you didn’t go with Hercule Poiwart. Sherwart Holmes. Arthurica Mars. Nancy Pendrew. Miss Marthurple. Moriwarty.

\- Arthur Pendragon (I needed to see my own name after all those)

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** fuck

Those are all good. I was actually considering John Wartson, since all you did was ask questions and keep wondering without actually, you know, doing anything. (Side-roast John Watson.)

It runs in the blood, eh? ;)

\- Morgs

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Cc:** heartwillgo.leon@pndrgngrls.co.uk, elena@pndrgngrls.co.uk, gwen.evere@pndrgngrls.co.uk, lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk, vivi.notwestwood@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Merciful Gossip Shower

I _promise_ you Arthur’s going to sue all of us if he finds out we’ve been speculating about him and Merlin like this. It’s a gross invasion of their privacy, etc.

That said, we’re the reason they’re dramatically snogging in lifts and “having obvious, revolting eye-sex all the time” (quote courtesy of Gaius, who reached out to me with a cry for help. “I can’t believe I have to see this thrice a week with my own two eyes,” or something) so I feel entirely justified in treating them like a pet project. Okay, not really, but we’re too far gone to turn back now.

So, update: Merlin gave Wart an invaluable present. Wart instantly melted, finding excuses to come meet me and chat/flirt with Merlin, who, contrary to the projections Leon made in that graph a fortnight ago, is quite amenable to being flirted with. It seems he’s still a bit wary of Wart, so you might want to add a deceleration factor to your equation, Leon.

He’s wary for good reason, though. Wart used to be a _prick_. Can’t believe I never knew. Thank fuck he (and Merls) joined the company, right? We all grew closer as a result.

Anyway — this signals the end of my participation in the pool, unless you’re all all right with my winning it by virtue of insider trading, sweepstakes version.

\- Morgana

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Merciful Gossip Shower

lol, good one. say goodbye to your money and get out of the pool.

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** heartwillgo.leon@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Merciful Gossip Shower

lol, good one. You’re not winning the sweepstakes. Get going.

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

[show 5 other emails with similar content]

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** gwen.evere@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Expression of Gratitude and Appreciation

Morgana,

I was thinking, we ought to thank the company recruiter for bringing in such a great batch of interns this time round. How do a bouquet and a birthday bonus sound?

\- Gwen <3

* * *

 

> **To:** gwen.evere@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** why

are you the sweetest person ever? <3<3<3

All right, I’ll arrange something — unless you want to do the honours and present it to Killian yourself.

\- Gana <3

_[show quoted text]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (source: chibird.com)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY ABOUT THE DELAY. LIFE AND ANOTHER WIP GOT IN THE WAY.  
> pls note I changed the number of chapters and now there's only two more remaining, thank you, enjoy this melodramatic chapter and pls don't tell me if you hated it ;A;

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** dinNER

MERLIN ASKED ME TO DINNER? _MERLIN_

did you put him up to this

this is literally one of the steps in my plan, Morgana, did you give him that plan???

\- Wart

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Bcc:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** something you eat at nIGHT

No, I didn’t put him up to this. But he’s been humming happily as he organises my reports and forms, so I suppose I now know the reason why.

Which restaurant? Don’t wear one of your university/internship suits; if you do and the paps run a front-pager comparing Magazine Cover Morgana with Arthur What Are Clothes, I will murder you in your sleep.

\- Morgs

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** freya.sinclair@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **Cc:** william.chauncey@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **From:** merlin.greenewyllt@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **Subject:** DINNER

I asked him out! Me!

He looked so shyly pleased that I wanted to climb him right there.

\- Merlin

* * *

 

> **To:** merlin.greenewyllt@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **From:** william.chauncey@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: DINNER

A little TMI, mate?

\- Will

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Night Out

Hi, Merls,

Dinner at the Hibiscus sounds great, but to be honest I’d much rather just go to the pub and then the clubs with you. We’ve got to catch up and doing it over a pint sounds better than over a 135 quid 8-courser.

(Morgana’s threatened to kill me if I wear anything unfashionable, so naturally my survival instinct’s kicked in.)

\- Wart

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Night Out

Wart,

I don’t mind, actually — I just picked it ’cause it’s the sort of ritzy place you’d go to.

This Saturday, yeah?

\- Merls

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Re: Night Out

Yeah. Let’s meet up after work and decide what to do?

It’s a date :)

\- Wart

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Something Direful Happened Last Weekend

And Merlin came home to have a strop about it.

What’s going on, mate? My hair can’t really take all this punishment, you know. He’s turned it lime green now, and somehow got the carpet to match.

\- Gwaine

PS He isn’t talking about it. And when I brought Wart’s name up his chin honest to God wobbled and he said he (himself) was a “fucking idiot”. That is all I know.

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Talk.

Now.

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Not everything is always my fault

So fuck off with your attitude.

We went to a chippy first, then the pub, and then a club (the basement one close to campus, d’you know that one) and ran into a whole bunch of his friends, including Mordred.

Mordred, the son of a — I mean, for fuck’s sake, are we _teenagers_ that he tried to steal Merls like that and fucking did it even — asked Merlin who his boyfriend was, because I’d told him Merls is happily taken, yeah? (Or he will be, by me, sometime in the near future, was what I’d wanted to imply. Didn’t think Merlin would get wind of it.)

But Merlin was wasted and got shirty with me about it, _oh good on you for assuming we’d end up shagging in secret again, how very like you, you presumptuous posh git_ and twenty minutes later he was getting off with Mordred on the dance floor. I left after that.

He _was_ going along with that plan of mine, wasn’t he?

Wasn’t he?

He wrote me a love letter, Morgana.

\- Wart

PS Do I really have to come along to the Company Retreat Games or whatever. Sorry I told you to fuck off

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Cc:** heartwillgo.leon@pndrgngrls.co.uk, gwen.evere@pndrgngrls.co.uk, lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk,
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Let’s get

utterly soused tonight. Life is fucking awful. I’ll bring Leon and Lance and Gwen around.

Love you, Wart. I’m sorry.

\- Morgs

PS Without question. I will drag you there myself if I have to. I’ll employ wild horses and everything.

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Cc:** heartwillgo.leon@pndrgngrls.co.uk, elena@pndrgngrls.co.uk, gwen.evere@pndrgngrls.co.uk, lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk, vivi.notwestwood@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Office Pool Bust

Let’s call the time of death on this thing. I was entirely sympathetic to Merlin’s cause but good lord they’re like squabbling children. Sorry, Gwaine. Saying this in my capacity as VP. Treasurer, donate the money to the Ealdor school.

\- Morgana

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** An apology

Dear Merlin,

Please know that it was never my intention to spread false information about our relationship, or lack thereof, to anyone. What I told Mordred was — was a spur-of-the-moment, jealous response.

No, I absolutely don’t want to shag you in secret, “the way we used to”. I’ve not come out and said it outright, but it _has_ been quite obvious, I believe, that I’m head over heels in love with you, that I have been since before that awful fight, and that I’ve been struggling to regain our previous intimacy whilst respecting your boundaries and (justified) reservations about my character.

Just don’t start cold-shouldering me again like you used to. At the end of the day, you’re the only friend I have and I couldn’t bear to lose you.

\- Arthur

PS The chairman praised your part of the Ealdor presentation to the VP and me the other day.

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** [no subject]

[no content]

[attachment: Toothbrush - DNCE.mp3]

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** [Draft] Re: An apology

Arthur, I was the idiot

I love you more

I’m sorry

I’ll win you back, just like you were going to win me back

_[show quoted text]_


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah, can't believe there's only one chapter left ;v; i hope everyone's been enjoying this story so far! <3 i'd love to know what you thought.

> **To:** <pendragon&gorloismailinglist>
> 
> **From:** utherpendragon@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** The Successful Completion of the Annual Pendragon  & Gorlois Company Retreat Games

Dear All,

On behalf of the chairman, I extend my heartiest congratulations to the company on yet another eventful and entertaining outing! I hope the Games allowed everyone to release various stresses and strains that may have accumulated over the past year. Team MagLia take home the trophy for the first time!

Looking forward to next year’s edition,

Alice Geoffrey

Secretary to the Chairman, Uther Pendragon

Pendragon & Gorlois

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** william.wordsworthless@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** The Successful Completion of the Annual Pendragon  & Gorlois Hunger Games

Is it just me or is the idea of working for the next month after today completely unappealing?

\- Will

* * *

 

> **To:** william.wordsworthless@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** i feel like katniss everdeen if she’d been a zombie

annual whateverwhatever “games”

i can’t move my arms or legs. arthur had to manhandle me into my flat (my immobility might have been, ahem, contrived, but he doesn’t have to know… for now)

\- merlin

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** how are you doing

Wrong question to ask, since you’re conked out on the desk beside me. You drooled a bit on Morgana’s forms. Good luck.

You okay after the Retreat Games drubbing? I can come over with takeaway tonight if you want. And — stop apologising for the Mordred thing. I don’t care. I don’t care, okay? I’m fine. People do stupid things when they’re drunk. I’m just happy to be friends with you.

\- Arthur

* * *

 

> **To:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** ARTHUR

WHY IS HE BEING SUCH A SELF-SACRIFICING NOBLE TWAT? “I’M JUST HAPPY TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU” YEAH RIGHT FUCKER, SAY THAT AFTER SNOGGING MY BRAINS OUT IN THE LIFTS OF THE PLACE WE WORK AT, SAY THAT AFTER ALL THOSE LOVESICK EMAILS TO YOUR BIG SISTER, SAY THAT AFTER THE FUCKING EMAIL YOU SENT ME WHERE YOU LITERALLY TELL ME YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH ME, YOU NON-VERBAL MASOCHISTIC COWARDLY BASTARD?????

JUST LET ME APOLOGISE FOR THE FUCK-UP AND PROVE THAT I’M STILL ARSE OVER TEAKETTLE IN LOVE WITH YOU YOU STUPID FUCKING FUCK. YOUR HANDSOME UGLY FACE IS SO STUPID. HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR EYES? LIMPID POOLS OF ADVERT PERIOD BLOOD. YOUR HAIR?????? YOU’D BE LUCKY TO HAVE A COW NIBBLE AT IT. YOUR BUMPY NOSE? I FUCKING LOVE IT. YOUR PERSONALITY? SORELY LACKING. I FUCKING LOVE YOU.

I KNOW YOU LET ME WIN IN THE FINALS, FUCKFACE.

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: ARTHUR

1\. I bothered to read exactly 0 words of that abomination, but Ellie’s cooing behind me right now and calling you a stubborn darling little thing.

2\. Have you considered _talking_ to him instead of giving your brother a migraine? I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I much rather prefer the emo teenager who entered this company nearly a year ago to this headstrong childish brat who knows what he wants but instead of going straight after it is choosing to send active-aggressive emails to someone whose stake in the matter extends not a farthing beyond 2120 quid (don’t ask).

\- Wainy

PS Yeah, of course he let MagLia win the tournament! A Pendragon/Gorlois losing at competitive dance karaoke? Singing a song by the late Ygraine Pendragon’s favourite artist? Are you mad? I should bring you along when Morgana hosts these things. She’s _worse_ than Wart and Wart is bad enough.

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Cc:** william.wordsworthless@pndrgngrls.co.uk, gillyweed@pndrgngrls.co.uk, myth.ian@pndrgngrls.co.uk, sophiaos.sidhe@pndrgngrls.co.uk  
>  **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** The Dethroning of the Karaoke King of P &G Camelot

Hear ye!

I, Merlin of Ealdor, have officially defeated King Arthur to assume the throne of Karaoke King.

The crown emoji is _mine_ , fuckers. @Wart — looks like you’ll need a man after midnight who’ll help you chase the shadows away or maybe take you through the darkness to the break of the day…

\- Merlin Greene-Wyllt

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Cc:** william.wordsworthless@pndrgngrls.co.uk, gillyweed@pndrgngrls.co.uk,sophiaos.sidhe@pndrgngrls.co.uk, posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** myth.ian@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: The Dethroning of the Karaoke King of P &G Camelot

Merlin,

If you could shift your sexual overtures to Arthur (I’m assuming from context that he is the “Wart” you singled out) to private correspondence, I think we’d all appreciate it very much. It’s bad enough that those of us with the misfortune to share the intern office space with you have to listen to you two having the verbal equivalent of anal sex… with a fair bit of orgasm denial, by the sounds of it. Are you two having relationship problems?

\- Mithian

PS Whose idea was it to play Drunk Anti-Strip Poker lmao, and who convinced everyone to let Merlin win each hand so he’d make Arthur strip ;) I want to send them flowers

PPS My department head made me write the PS on pain of Facebook Candy Crush notifications every two minutes; I could not care less about Merlin or Arthur or what Arthur looks like with strategically crossed legs. Sorry, “Wart”; “Carbuncle”. (I’ll tell my dept head it was William.)

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** hrm@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Fwd: Re: The Dethroning of the Karaoke [subject too long]

Dear Lancelot,

I’m being subjected to vicious mockery by sore losers who couldn’t cope with my trouncing them and their departments in everything except dance karaoke. You may remember the table tennis debacle. And the 9x9 Tic Tac Toe Argument. And the Scavenger Hunt around the hotel we were all at.

Do something about it, thanks.

\- Arthur Pendragon, Once and Future Karaoke King

PS It was Sophia.

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** oh lord

Honestly, Merlin, the Mordred thing is a complete NON-ISSUE. It happened an entire month ago. I am absolutely fine. THERE IS NOTHING TO FORGIVE. STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE I DROWNED YOUR KITTEN.

\- Wart

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** BUT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND

Look, there was a specific order to this, all right? I was following a stepwise plan and I had a grand thing all outlined and everything but you’re intent on being a noble berk who won’t even let me get closer than 13 inches ( _I measured_ ) to “respect my boundaries” because oh yes you were respecting my boundaries in the lift and right after Drunk Anti-Strip Poker, weren’t you?

Ugh. Posh git indeed.

You _never_ let things go my way, you utter arse.

\- Merls

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** …what

What. What happened right after Drunk Anti-Strip Poker? And how come _you_ remember, Mr One-Shot-Three-Sheets-to-the-Wind, and I don’t?

\- Wart

PS I didn’t… I didn’t do anything you didn’t want, right?

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re:…what

No, I don’t remember either, but given our track _record_ (pun intended) of being recorded every time we get closer than six inches around our colleagues, I was wholly unsurprised when Freya, d’you remember her, sent me a video (that Will took, the arsehole) of us, um, snogging like it was foreplay — right after I apparently got you to take your top off — while everyone else continued with the poker match.

\- Merls

PS How thick are you? Fucking hell, _mate_ , you are reading too much into a drunken mistake (no, not this one and it wasn’t even a mistake, I mean the Mordred one) and enough is enough.

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Thank you

For dragging me to France for these Games.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you. I’ll take you out to dinner tonight. Cancel all your previous plans.

\- Wart

* * *

 

> **To:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Cc:** elena@pndrgngrls.co.uk, gwen.evere@pndrgngrls.co.uk, lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk, vivi.notwestwood@pndrgngrls.co.uk, elyan.degeneres@pndrgngrls.co.uk, per.se@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** heartwillgo.leon@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** “Office Pool Bust”

This is probably the only time in my life that I’ll say Morgs overreacted over those squabbling chickens. Don’t tell her that, I love her so much.

The pool is most certainly not bust, and Morgana, as someone who backed out of it ages ago, has no right to call an end to it. #mutiny

Anyone want to place new bets? Here’s the predictions we made three months ago:

  1. They keep nearly shacking up together and then having their unique brand of misunderstandings until the end of time.
  2. They snog at least thrice before they realise they have each other’s hearts.
  3. Arthur —> romantic confession —> Merlin
  4. Merlin —> romantic confession —> Arthur
  5. They send each other mixed signals until hearts get broken again and we need to intervene.
  6. Leon and Morgana get together before these dunderheads. 
  7. The company runs out of its popcorn stash in the pantry before this particular movie ends
  8. They end up learning they’re a reincarnation of the King Arthur and Wizard Merlin of legend.
  9. They keep driving Morgana up the wall while she’s running the company on behalf of her figurehead uncle until she gives up on their ever acting maturely, thus needing to unveil her treachery by sending them both each other’s email professions of love.
  10. heart-to-heart and sensual shag @ annual P&G company retreat games



The persons who bet on #1, #2, #7, #8, and #10, I am sorry to inform you that your money’s gone. No heart-to-heart took place at the games, but from what I hear a sensual shag did happen (no proof). And whoever went for #7 underestimates the resources of this company. Three words (or two): Never. Ending. Popcorn.

Congratulations to people who opted for #3 and #6; I hear Arthur finally got the balls to confess outright, and no comment on the other thing. However, you won’t be rolling in cash just yet — the rest of the predictions are millimetres from occurring (Morgana is _so_ close to snapping), and we shall just have to see what the future holds for you and the ratio of the reward you’ll get.

All the best,

Leon


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay, last chapter! thank you so much for sticking with it (and me). extra email, just because :)
> 
> thank you again. it's meant so much to me <3

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Wart, you will let me do this

And you will not complain.

\- Merlin

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** First of all

It’s _my plan_ that you’re trying to see through. It’s only fair that since you began said plan, I end it.

Which is why I would like to invite you to the roof of the building in two hours.

\- Wart

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Um

Hello, Morgana,

I hope you’re doing well. Before I get to the point of my email, I’d like to apologise for the outcome of the Games’ Sorcerelay Race; I was _not_ the one who magically evaporated Gwaine’s T-shirt to distract Elena and slow her down while they were on their way to hand the batons/ wands over to us. If Gwaine’s claiming I did it, he’s lying. He’s a liar. For what it’s worth, I’m certain it was Gaius, and I’m sure that you would have outstripped me had that unfortunate event not put Elena out of commission (but in all fairness, screaming “MY EYES! THEY BURN” and pretending to faint was all her doing and can’t be blamed on anyone else).

I was hoping you could help me with something. Erm, so, you know Wart’s plan? He found out I was referencing it and is trying to beat me to the punch with Conclusion: Grand Gesture. He has some doubtlessly horrid romantic thing planned on the roof and I need your help beating _him_ to the punch. Could I rely on your support?

Thanks!

\- Merlin

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** vivi.notwestwood@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Cease and Desist

Dear Mr Wart Pendragon,

I regret to inform you that the roof terrace of the P&G Headquarters is out of bounds to daddy’s-coattails interns with puffed-up senses of self, who may or may not be good at channelling ABBA and DNCE and other artists with abbreviated names. This has been the situation forever and it was your responsibility to educate yourself re: the same.

Much, much, much love,

Viv (from Legal, which means I could get you thrown out of daddy’s company and drag you to court if you don’t listen to me) x

* * *

 

> **To:** vivi.notwestwood@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: Cease and Desist

Touché.

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** heartwillgo.leon@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** “your annoying girlfriend”

Arthur says, “Tell her to stop helping Merlin, he’s not nearly as soft and sweet and innocent as she’d like to think.”

\- Leon x

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** *clears throat*

“Dear Arthur,

I’m writing this letter with the intent to convey to you all that is in my heart.

Over the past few months that I’ve got to know you (again), I feel that my emotions are in a state of flux. When we parted, we did so with incredible acrimony and the mutual promise to never cross paths again. But I’ve come to know since then that you regretted the things you said and did (so did I, Arthur, I really did) and that you’re genuinely interested in a committed relationship with me, that you have been ever since we fought over the fact that I thought that that’s what we had in the first place.

I’ll be honest, Arthur, I’ve loved you ever since the day I met you, even though I hated you. On occasion, you’re snobbish, arrogant, self-important, and a right idiot (I may have said something to someone about how you think “boys who snog looking into each other’s eyes while having slow sex can be just best mates”) — but you’re also loyal, fiercely protective, warm when I’m cold, and more than anything you were/are(…?) my sunshine. Continuing with the metaphor because it’ll be easier for me to admit it that way, I think: when I lost my sunshine I didn’t want it back, because I was scared I’d be hurt by how bright it’d be. But yeah, you’re also a golden retriever with a bone and apparently you thought a 36-step plan would be a nice way to convince me of your love. Which — fucking hell I didn’t know you could be this cute, Wart, and I love that your mathematical mind came up with this, of all things. So when you gave up midway, I picked up the slack. I had to, even though I skipped most of the steps out of impatience. I had to finish what you started because I missed you, my _best_ _friend_ and the bloke who knew me inside out, so much that for months I thought I would suffocate without you.

I know we misunderstood each other fantastically in the past so I’ll erase the chances of that happening again with the words I’m going to say. They are trite, overused, far too romantic (straight out of a movie, honest) and I’ve quoted a man of the world to boot but — Arthur Pendragon, I sincerely want to shag your brains out for the rest of my life, because you may be a prick, but you’re still the prick that stuffs me best.

Love,

Merlin”

I’d love to have my brains shagged out for the rest of my life, darling.

Love,

Wart

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** SON OF A

youuuuuuuu smug arsehole. ohhhhhhhh you sly bastard. youuuuu, i’ll get you back for this. just you wait, fuckface. just you wait.

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** DISOWNED

I DISOWN YOU AS MY BROTHER NOW AND FOREVER. WART WRECKED MY CONFESSION PLANS IN REVENGE FOR ME WRECKING HIS CONFESSION PLANS AND NOW I’M IN THE LOO TRYING NOT TO BAWL BECAUSE HE SENT ME SOMETHING I’D WRITTEN TO HIM MONTHS AGO AND JUST SAID “ME TOO” LIKE A MORON

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** elena@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** disowned?

Gwaine is too busy crying with laughter on the floor so I’ll take this opportunity to ask why _he’s_ being disowned when it’s Arthur who made the singularly unromantic gesture of officially confessing to you with your own love letter _via email_.

Not that it was totally unromantic!

Okay, I lied. Any movie made from your love story would fail (hard) at the cinemas. But good on you for getting back together with your ex and everything!

\- Ellie x

* * *

 

> **To:** freya.sinclair@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **From:** william.chauncey@tintagel.ac.uk
> 
> **Subject:** tmi

Ugh I went to the bog for a wee and there they were, Merlin and that pompous git, snogging. I couldn’t go in front of them! _They didn’t even notice I was there._

So now I’m back at my desk, waiting for them to realise they’re a great inconvenience to everyone but themselves. Sophia keeps frowning at me.

Fuck my life.

\- Will

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** do not

bother me with your relationship drama again unless it’s absolutely necessary.

And you may never end up knowing exactly _why_ I’m saying this, but: you’re welcome, you utterly tactless boy.

Bring Merlin over to mine soon! I’ll cook for us (Leon’ll cook for us).

\- Morgs

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** The Amazing Dinner Race

Morgana told me she’s thinking of having you both over for dinner. Nice try. You’re bringing Wart over for Lasagna Night first. I have first older-sibling dibs on intimidating the boyfriend.

Oh, you should know he’s already actually talked to me about his intentions regarding you. Prepare for the day he takes over this company, Merls — he’s getting down on one knee.

\- Gwaine

* * *

 

> **To:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** EPA II Revision

Fucking hell, that teacher is bollocks at doing his job. Meet up with Soph and Will for last-minute cramming after work?

Love you :*

\- Wart

* * *

 

> **To:** posh.git@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** 24k.magic@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** Re: EPA II Revision

…emoticons and constant “I love you”s? Really? We’re going to be _that_ couple? But yeah, let’s.

(My new desk is located at a much better place than the intern office, wow. Gaius really specifically requested me?)

Love you too :*

\- Merls

_[show quoted text]_

* * *

 

> **To:** g.vain@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Cc:** lance.alot@pndrgngrls.co.uk, elena@pndrgngrls.co.uk, gwen.evere@pndrgngrls.co.uk, ganagorlois@pndrgngrls.co.uk, vivi.notwestwood@pndrgngrls.co.uk, elyan.degeneres@pndrgngrls.co.uk, per.se@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **From:** heartwillgo.leon@pndrgngrls.co.uk
> 
> **Subject:** The results are in

And we have a bit of a situation that has been dealt with, not to worry. (Morgana, I’m sorry we kept the pool going behind your back but soon you won’t be.)

It seems #3 and #4 have somehow transpired at the same time (Arthur —> romantic confession —> Merlin and Merlin —> romantic confession —> Arthur). However, #3 was… facilitated… by #4.

Hence, the “winnings” (6518 pounds, thanks for your money, trust-fund babies) are to be distributed as follows:

1\. 25% for predicting Morgana and I would enter into a relationship before our champion guinea pigs: Verified anon, who I can now say is Guinevere

2\. 25% for predicting #3: Elena (sorry, Els, but #4 clearly weighs more; and the formula I used was incredibly complex and mathematical and it’d take ages for me to explain so just take all this free money and hush)

3\. 50% lion’s share for predicting #4: Another verified anon, whose identity I can now safely reveal — our chairman, Uther Pendragon.

Thank you for participating, and I do hope our company is party to more drama in the future.

Best,

Leon

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love feedback on this <3


End file.
